This year I
participated in my first Disability Day of Mourning. It is a day to remember the disabled children
and adults who were murdered by their parents or caregivers. In the past, I have watched videos and read
blog posts online for the vigils but have never been in person. Mainly because there has never been one in my
area. This year, the group that I am a
co-founder of, A4A (click here for link) was holding a vigil in Toronto and I really wanted to
be a part of it and to help out.
It wasn’t
going to work out for various reasons though, so I decided to hold a vigil in
my town. My first job was to find a
room, because being Ontario, it is cold at this time of year and potentially
snowy or rainy. I posted on my Facebook
page and in local groups to see if anyone knew of a cheap or free accessible
room that we could use. I had a couple
of offers and went with the one a FB friend donated the use of. He uses a wheelchair so he made sure that the
room was accessible.
It was only
three weeks before the vigil and I had no idea what I was doing. The great thing is that ASAN (click here for link) has you
sign up your site and they then send you all of the material you need to hold a
DDOM vigil. Close to the day, they send
out the list of names to be read and also a recording of the names being read. They do it that way because, sadly, there are
usually more names to be added.
On the day
of the vigil I set up a project board on which I had taped the seven full pages
of names (about 950 people). In the
front opening, on the table, I placed several battery-operated candles.
There were a
total of five of us in attendance. I
read something I wrote (shared below); I read one of the readings that ASAN
suggested- Ari Ne’eman’s On Our Backs We Will Carry Them; we listened to a
recording of all of the names being read and then had a moment of silence;
after that we had a final reading which was also suggested by ASAN- You Get
Proud By Practicing by Laura Hershey.
My thoughts
on DDOM. It is an important day to
remember those disabled people who were murdered by their parents and
caregivers. It is a day to think about
the way disabled people are treated. Why
are our lives less important than non-disabled lives? Why are we considered burdens and
worthless? The way these murders are
treated in the media and by parents and caregivers is one of the reasons. The story becomes all about the murderer and
how bad their lives were due to taking care of a disabled person. There are few consequences for murder of
disabled people compared to the murder of non-disabled people. It seems like it is an acceptable thing to
do. There are reports of lack of
supports, yet many of the murderers actually turned down supports. Even if supports are lacking, there are
always alternatives to murder. The focus
in the media needs to be on the victims and not the murderers.
Something I
don’t understand with the vigils is that why are they so poorly attended. I know not everyone can get out but there are
many who can and what about the many people who say they are allies to disabled
people. Where are they when this day
comes around?
One day,
maybe the DDOM will be a remembrance of those lost but without any new names
being added. That is something that many
disabled activists are working for. Here
is a link to ASAN’s anti-filicide toolkit.
 |
| photo of display of names with several candles in front |
The
following is the speech I wrote for the vigil:
Before we
start, I want to thank Dave and Joe for securing and donating the use of this
room for our vigil.
Hello, my
name is Mandy Klein and I am a co-founder of A4A Ontario. I am autistic and physically disabled. Today, I will speak a bit and follow it by
with a reading. I will then play a
recording of someone saying the names of the disabled people murdered by their
parents or caregivers. We will follow
this by a moment of silence and another reading.
Disabled
people are as human as non-disabled people, but we are not treated as
such. We are looked down on, treated
like children or even animals, and considered burdens. We are abused and tortured in the name of therapy
and teaching. We are denied equal access
to schooling, recreation, and jobs.
When
disabled people are murdered by their parents or caregivers, it is the
murderers who are supported and told what they did is understandable. This does not happen when non-disabled people
are killed by their parents or caregivers.
Those murderers are vilified.
We are here
today to remember those who were murdered by their parents or caregivers. Murdered by people who should have protected
and taken care of them. We are also here
to stand up and say that is not acceptable to murder someone because they are
disabled. Caregivers and parents who
murder disabled people must be charged and sentenced the same as caregivers and
parents who murder non-disabled people.
