All Over the Place!

I haven't been able to think about what to write lately. Things have happened but nothing super eventful that makes me feel like I need to write it down right away. Most of that part of my brain is currently focused on my two secret projects right now.  One of which will hopefully be announced soon!

At present, I am sitting alone at church in the sea of people. Most weeks, I don't care. This time I feel that I am heading into another of my bad times. Sometimes it would be nice to have a familiar person to sit with and share occasional comments.  That is not to be, so I make do with my fidget toys, drawing circles, and or writing. Today, my fidget is my Flappy Hands from Stimtastic.  They have great stim toys at a reasonable price.  I am writing this blog as well.  Usually I can focus on the sermon and write but this week I can’t focus.  There are many thoughts and feelings in my head but they are too mixed up and I can’t sort them out.  What’s funny is that I was looking at the new church webpage when I got home and although it is still being worked on, it does have some FAQ’s.  It has a great one that asks if there is anyone to help the person coming to the church.  I thought it was great and couldn’t wait to see the answer.  It was a big disappointment!  It doesn’t answer the question, the answer is more suited for another question.  Maybe it’s me or maybe there is another way of understanding the question?  I have good answers from an autistic perspective but I can’t speak for those who are allistic or have other disabilities though.

Before Christmas break, on the day of the snowstorm that canceled school buses, I found out that my medicinal marijuana prescription application was in danger of being declined. I had written the dose and my information before taking it to my psychiatrist. I originally put in 3 grams (average dose is 1-3g) but I changed it to 1 g using Liquid Paper to white it out before changing the dose.  Since my highest dose with the capsules from the dispensary was 0.1g three times a day, 1 g per day should be plenty. I do need a higher dose than I was taking but the amount asked for will be more than enough.  After receiving the email notice, I called the Licensed Producer that I had chosen.  They said the government is picky and the mistake should have been crossed out and initialed, not whited out.  I got really upset and panicked.  I emailed my psychiatrist and told him I was really upset.  I let him know the problem and asked if he would fill out new forms either at my next appointment which was not until February or if I could drop them off and he could contact me when they were finished. He got back to me and said I could drop off the forms.  I asked about office hours or mail slot and then printed the forms, filled out my part, wrote a note for him to know what to fill out, and put them in an envelope to drop off. The roads were really bad, but my daughter and I drove there. The best thing was that he was at the front desk so he did it right then for me! I'm very lucky to have such a great psychiatrist who will do that for me. I'm sure he was busy (but didn't have a patient) and he did it anyway and didn't ask me to come back for them later. In the car before mailing the forms (they cannot be faxed or emailed), I called the producer to make sure I had everything correct before mailing. I was told it would be helpful to photocopy some ID and add that in the package. I rushed home (slowly) in the bad weather and did the copy and put everything in an envelope. Then, I went to the post office and sent it express. It was a very stressful afternoon rushing all over the place in a snow storm and spending an awful lot of time shoveling!  I survived though without too many meltdowns.

After not hearing anything from the producer for a week or so, I finally emailed and they said it usually takes one to two weeks for approval because they have to contact the doctor to verify. Since it is Christmas break, it is going to take longer because offices are closed. I'm hoping to hear in the next few days.  I am getting anxious and figure it is never going to happen.  I have figured out how I will ingest my morning dose already.  The cannabis has to be mixed with fat and heated to work properly.  I have pancakes for breakfast.  They have oil in them so morning dose is taken care of! 

In the meantime, before Christmas my friend and I went to a local head shop (place to buy supplies for using medicinal marijuana) to get a small scale (regular kitchen scales don’t have small enough measures) and a grinder so I will be ready when I can finally order. I also got a book for more information on how to use the cannabis. It was an interesting outing!

Micah did well over Christmas break.  Her anxiety was higher at first because we found out that she had to have a mandatory needle by December 31. I don't know when it was made mandatory but she would've had it long ago if I had known. Her appointment was December 24 in the morning and we were due at my aunt’s for Christmas Eve that night. Since Micah had to have the one needle, I looked up when her booster was due. It was between ages 14 to 16 years, so I said we should do it also. She has a severe needle phobia. I put EMLA cream (numbing) on both shoulders and she had some Ativan (sedative) left so I gave her two of those. Two tablets had been prescribed for bedtime in the past so I knew it was safe. I wasn't sure how much EMLA was safe so I just split one tube between two shoulders but not evenly enough. The shoulder that got the last half of the tube must have had less because she felt the needle. She did amazingly well though. Micah sat for both needles without trying to escape. Even with being sedated in the past, things went badly, especially for blood tests.  The prize she wanted for getting the needles was a Bon Jovi guitar book.  She ended up napping in the afternoon for the first time since she was a year old because of the higher dose of sedative! 

Usually when we go to my relatives on Christmas Eve, Micah’s anxiety and sensory overload is very high and she stays close to me and eventually ends up climbing on me, hitting, and getting overly silly- not in a nice fun way.  That is the way her anxiety and sensory overload come out.  We have only ever stayed about two hours each year since she was a baby, that is her maximum (and ours too).  There are too many people, lots of noise, smells and so on.  It is very overwhelming.  This year, we stayed our two hours with no issues!  We didn’t interact much with anyone- normal for us and Micah spent the whole time on her iPad.  That is what makes her comfortable, we are fine with it.

School started back up two days ago and for a few days before it began, Micah’s anxiety went back up a bit.  I was worried that she wouldn’t go on Monday. She has been getting frustrated with one of the boys in her class and this is still in the bad part of the school year for her.  She got ready for school and got on the bus no problem.  Her perfect attendance record is still intact!  Exams start very soon and then she will have completed her first semester of high school. 

While on break, Micah searched Pinterest for comebacks to say the boy who is causing her problems.  She came up with lots of good ones that were not mean.  She had the opportunity to use some today.  She just had to use two and the boy left!  It seems to have worked well for her.  She is teaching herself some problem solving skills.

Micah’s therapy session this week is being changed to next week because it will be way too cold to be in the arena at the farm and they wouldn’t be able to focus.  Micah said she should be fine with it.  She has started going to therapy every two weeks instead of every week but this is a big step having to wait three weeks so soon after switching to two weeks.  It is only for this week though so things should be okay.

Not sure how to end this blog post as it’s kind of all over the place.  I am still not sure where my time goes but overall things here seem to be not too bad (even with my bad phase coming on).

Turtle circles